i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
