i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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