I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
