Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
