Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Buhtt sex?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
