i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
