Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
