1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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