Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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