just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
