I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
there was a trapeze. enough said
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
