Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
