Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
