This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
