just tell him i said nine months
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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