dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
