cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
