it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
