don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
