It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
