So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
