Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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