So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
