You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
