I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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