On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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