You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
