Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
