i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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