not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
