so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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