you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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