I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
