there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
