Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
dude. I can hear the air.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
