She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
