just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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