Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Randomize
