the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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