today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
