Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
