so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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