dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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