I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
did you just send me my own nude
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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