just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
