she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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