does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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