The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
