I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
