hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
