in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
whose parrot is this?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
