i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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