Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
