I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
