He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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